yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
