Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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