a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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