Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
