i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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