I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
