I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He did a backflip because drugs
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