erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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