So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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