well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
