The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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