So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
