Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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