i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
