I think I died a long time ago.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
