I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
