my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
