She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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