The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
