how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
