I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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