Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
OPIZZABONMYDICK
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
