So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
