I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
