I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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