Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
