You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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