Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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