he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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