just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
