my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
