My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize