put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
