am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
