dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
