lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
