I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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