I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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