Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
