she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
