somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
