I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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