I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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