He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
