Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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