My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
