You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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