Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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