u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Screwed.edu
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bring me that man meat
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
