we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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