I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
