I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
