Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
