pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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