I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize