I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
