Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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