And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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