I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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