New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
