mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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