Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
