idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
