Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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