somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
