fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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