I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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