I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
