worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
