I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
