cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
God, I missed his penis.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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