Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
