Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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