he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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